From the country that brought you sweaters for sheep and Freezers Full of Whale Meat We Literally Cant Even Give Away” comes the exciting new product no one knew they couldnt live without, Whale Ball Beer. Thats right, beer made from the testicles of endangered fin whales. Its called Havalur (Whale) Brew, but in some misguided affront to the sustainable idea of using every part of an animal some folks in Iceland chose to make testicle beer.
Stedji Brewery,the brewers of the beer were quoted as saying they dont consider the fin whale to be an endangered species in the North Atlantic. Oh well, if the guys who invented testicle beer say fin whales are not endangered then it must be true. Because testicle beer. Perhaps they have been drinking too much of their own home brew. Or perhaps they are just …nuts.
Presumably Iceland wants people to visit their country and spend money there. If the rotten shark meat known as Hakarl or the sour goat testicles did not lure tourists in I feel like the testicle beer idea is doomed to failure. Although, this will surely appeal to the same jet set that enjoys drinking the tears of tigers and eating baby orangutan toes. So basically just Andrew Zimmern and thats it.
How about- and this is crazy, but bear with me- making beer from fermented hops and barley? People love beer. I know Ive drank a lot of it, often surrounded by other people drinking beer. Never once did I ever hear anyone say, This beer is great but I really wish it had more ENDANGERED ANIMAL TESTICLE flavor.
Oh? Whats that you say? The whale testicles are SMOKED? Well, then by all means …oh wait. They are smoked in sheep sh**. Yep.
This beer is a clear cry for help. Iceland wants to stop whaling and like your Aunt Toni its just too ashamed to ask for help directly. Despite what the testicle beer guy says, fin whales are listed as endangered by IUCN and Iceland continues to thumb it’s nose at the IWC global moratorium on commercial whaling so they can continue to celebrate the rich, entirely newly invented, not-so-cultural tradition of drinking balls. Lets help Iceland help itself.
Stop this insanity. Tell President Obama to take action against Iceland’s illegal whaling.
